


Always In My Orbit

by sdwolfpup



Series: Can't Remember To Forget You [4]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/M, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Post-Break Up, Post-Series, Starting Over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-20 20:03:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11928225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sdwolfpup/pseuds/sdwolfpup
Summary: She would just lock the door and be done with Reyes. Unless the galaxy was not as big as it seemed, they'd only ever see each other in passing, if at all.  And that would be enough.





	Always In My Orbit

**Author's Note:**

> Title modified from Katy Perry's "Miss You More."

Sara Ryder didn't get a chance to breathe after the Battle of Meridian until the recovery, the celebrations, and the first decisions of what to do with their new home planet had all been dealt with. The time between walking back out into the sunlight after defeating the Archon and setting foot on the Tempest to get back to work felt like a year, but passed in a second.

And just as she was starting to exhale, Reyes Vidal came back into her life.

They were docked at Meridian after several weeks away checking on the other planets and running Initiative errands. They crew had agreed to spend the night away from each other, some agreeing more quickly than others. She and Jaal had plans for quality time tomorrow, and she was preparing tonight by finding somewhere to flirt relentlessly. After weeks of happy monogamy, Sara loved the electricity of moving in close to someone else and getting their taste, if only for a moment. She and Jaal had both agreed to set the limits at kissing with everything else they'd save for each other, an arrangement from which she benefited frequently. She wasn't sure if Jaal would ever take up the option on his side, but he was always eager to hear about her experiences and though she checked in frequently he'd never once seemed uneasy.

The only two things Sara felt absolutely true anymore were her belief in bringing Heleus together and the deep and steady beat of Jaal's devotion. In return she loved him with all her wild and tender heart, and nights like this ended up being as much a gift for him as a release for her. After all the work and stress since the Battle, her skin felt tight and ready to split at the seams. She needed to cut all her connections, just until morning.

“Solo night,” Sara announced to her empty quarters. “Let's do this.”

“Do what?” SAM asked as she headed for the door.

“Take a break. You, too, SAM. Pathfinder's orders.”

“I am an AI, I do not require breaks.”

“You may not, but I do. Just do whatever it is you do when you're not helping me.”

“I have a multitude of activities that I am performing at all times, Pathfinder, and do not find it taxing to assist you when you are not actively on a mission.”

“Please just leave me alone for the night.”

“I cannot leave, we are interconnected in such a way-”

“SAM.”

“I will leave you alone for the night.” He sounded prim.

“Thanks, SAM.” There was no answer. Sara grinned. The doors from the docking bay to Meridian opened and Sara stared around, bouncing on the balls of her feet while she got her bearings. Work had been steady while the Tempest had been away, and there were new signs and new people everywhere. There was a digital notice flashing bright lights and advertising music and cheap drinks at a new bar, Homeport. It sounded loud and crowded and perfect. She might run into Liam or Peebee there, but there weren't many options for nightlife in this part of the galaxy and they could all keep to their respective corners anyway. Hell, Peebee could be helpful in helping find her a few good prospects.

As Sara walked the corridors of the grounded Hyperion, people nodded respectfully, greeted her with a reverent “Pathfinder,” or just stared until one of them turned the corner. She hoped the bar was packed. She could use the anonymity of a huge crowd.

The floor plates were shimmying under her feet before the door even opened, and when it did, a blast of hot, deafening, alcohol-soaked air rushed over her. It was exactly what she'd wanted. Sara pushed past a turian couple pressed together in the entryway and came into a surprisingly large room packed with people. The lights rotated in a neon approximation of a rainbow, lighting up a purple krogan here and a bright green asari there. At the far end of the room was a bar that would take some doing to get to given the bodies talking, dancing, and making out between her and it. The Vortex had never gotten quite this crazy, but then they hadn't had the people or the time for leisure until recently. Sara beamed. This was what she'd been fighting so hard for: people who felt comfortable enough in their new home that they could _live_.

She decided to head for the bar through the dancers, and when she stepped towards it, the crowd pulsed and pulled her in, like being sucked into a black hole. Heat and bodies pressed against her, her heart beating in time to the music. Partway in, she found herself wrapped around the back of a willing asari, and a few minutes after that, she was pushing her ass back against a just-as-willing human man. By the time she emerged from the crowd she was sweaty and breathless and horny. And there was Reyes at the bar, staring at her with hot, dark eyes.

Her body vibrated, felt like it would lunge forward – though to kiss him or kick him she couldn't tell. Sara breathed deep, trying to slow her heart and the sudden twist of long dormant feelings. Reyes lifted his glass in greeting. She walked towards him, pushed sweaty tendrils of hair back from her forehead.

“What are you doing here?” she said, her voice too high and fast.

“Getting a drink. And enjoying the view.”

Sara flushed under the weight of his gaze. It was quieter here, she suspected so the bartenders could have a hope of hearing orders, but she still leaned towards him. “I mean on Meridian,” she said.

He looked older though it had been less than a year since she'd seen him last, his bright eyes harder then she remembered, but her whole body sparked at the sight of him again, of that dusky skin and close-cropped, dark hair. He leaned closer so they didn't have to nearly shout at each other, and his familiar scent made her heart clench.

“Tonight I'm relaxing. But what I suspect you mean is why did they let me, an exile, in this gilded Initiative space. Everyone who fought in the Battle of Meridian is allowed access to the planet. I hear that was your doing.”

It had been. She'd wanted Sloane and the exiles to feel welcome, to encourage their commitment and connection to the Initiative in the hopes of strengthening the relationship.

“ _You_ fought in the Battle of Meridian?”

“You sound so surprised,” Reyes said feigning hurt. “I want humanity and the other races to succeed here, too.”

“I thought you wanted money and power,” she said, and saw that struck a nerve.

“Then you don't know me as well as you think,” he murmured.

“No kidding, Charlatan.” Reyes looked away, so Sara took the opportunity to fortify herself with alcohol and ordered something called a Kett Krusher that would get her through this conversation. The bartender quickly poured several different types of liquor into a glass, added lime flavoring and stirred, before pushing the green-colored concoction towards her. She moved to transfer credits when he held up his hand.

“Pathfinder drinks free,” he said.

Sara nodded gratefully and tipped him anyway. She took a sip of the drink and coughed at the burn and acid taste. She'd need food soon or she'd be drunk too quickly. Reyes had settled back into his cool, smiling self.

“What about you?” he said. “What brings the Pathfinder out amongst the crowds?”

If he could be distanced and composed and pretend like what had happened between them meant nothing, so could she. “A night off. I like the crowds.”

“I heard you were with the angaran, but I don't see him here.”

“Jaal and I can spend a night away from each other. We're both adults.”

Reyes lifted an eyebrow. “So touchy.”

“So nosy,” she shot back, and he grinned. She'd loved that grin. Sara forced herself to remain nonchalant. “My turn. What about you?”

“I told you, I'm relaxing.”

“I meant I don't see you here with anyone, either.”

“I'm a busy man. Romantic entanglements prove...troublesome. You could say I'm married to my work.”

“So busy you couldn't even contact me?” she asked, the words tumbling out before she could stop them. _Calm_ , she reminded herself.

“Would you even have listened to me if I had?” he said quietly.

“I'm listening now.”

“Then I won't waste it.” The air thickened as he stared intently at her, and Sara looked away first, taking a long swallow of her drink. She coughed again. “Do you want to sit?” he asked, pointing to an open booth.

Sara considered how smart of a move that would be. “I'd rather dance,” she said, nodding at the crowd, alive and surging, and safer.

“Mm,” he said. “I don't think so.”

“Afraid?” she taunted him.

He took a drink. “Yes.”

Sara's fingers tightened around her glass. She thought about downing it, or throwing it in his face, but decided sitting and talking couldn't hurt. She would let him say his piece and then lose herself in the crowd until the bright, sharp memory of him faded again. “Lead the way.” She followed Reyes over, slid in across the gleaming silver table from him. It was even quieter in the booths, as though there was invisible soundproofing that kept the music from breaking fully through.

“I've been on Elaadan,” he said, smoothly picking up their conversation. “We made some deals with the krogan. It's a miserable place but they gave us space to lay low and let me protect the Collective from Sloane. And you. I heard what happened at our base on Kadara.”

“I was looking for you, to talk. They fired on sight,” she said defensively.

“Everyone was angry.”

“At _me_? Because I wouldn't let you murder Sloane?”

“She's a monster.”

“You're just different types of monsters.”

Reyes brow dropped, his eyes filled with hurt. She felt badly for that one, but bit back an apology. “Then I suppose it is for the best that I never tried to contact you again,” he said darkly.

Sara downed the last of her drink. She was suddenly very tired. “What are we doing here, Reyes?”

“Listening,” he said, his voice soft.

Everything about their brief but intense time together lingered in her heart, including how it ended. There were a hundred things she wanted to say, questions she wanted to ask: _why did you lie? Why did you leave? Why didn't you love me?_ She just wasn't sure she was ready to hear the answers. Sara watched his fingers trail down his glass, remembered how they felt on her skin. He left damp prints on the tabletop before they slowly faded away. She decided to ask a different why.

“Why did you fight in the Battle of Meridian? The truth,” she added. “Just tell me the truth. Was it money?”

Reyes finished off his own drink. “It was much more embarrassing than that. I did it because I believed in you, in your dream for Heleus.” She blinked silently. She hadn't expected that. “And to possibly shoot Sloane down,” he added. When she frowned at him, he shrugged. “You wanted the truth. I'm not all roses and nobility, Ryder. Surely you know _that_ about me, at least.”

She did. She'd known it from the first moment he'd introduced himself, and it had been part of what attracted her. When everything seemed desperate and dark, they'd had fun together. She'd felt _free_ with Reyes. After living up to her father, after being pelted with judgement by everyone for every decision she made as Pathfinder, she knew Reyes would spare her moralizing and scorn.

The current song merged seamlessly into the next and the crowd danced on, oblivious. Sara gestured at the waiter, ordered each of them another drink. Reyes smiled. “I guess that means you're staying,” he said.

“Just for a second drink,” she said, but she smiled back.

 

* * *

 

Three Krushers and one greasy basket of enzyme supplement that tasted vaguely like rubbery cheese later, Sara thought she better leave soon or she'd pass out in the booth.

Instead of dancing she'd settled for talking, about the Battle, what they'd been doing since, ridiculous things their respective crews did, and their hopes for Meridian. Sara was moved by how much Reyes' dreams for Heleus mirrored her own. They both studiously avoided their shared past, even as it lingered at the edges of every word.

“Another?” Reyes asked, his lips wet with the drink he'd just finished. He'd has as many drinks as she had, but whatever he was having packed a much less serious wallop and he seemed unfazed.

“No, no, no. I gotta get back to the Timepost.” She blinked and then burst into giggles. “Tempesh!”

“Aren't Pathfinders supposed to have better constitutions than this?” he asked, sliding out of the booth.

“Yeah! SAM, wha'shup?”

“You informed me that I should take a night off,” the AI answered. “Shall I dampen what effects I can? You've had quite a lot to drink.”

“You're not m'mother,” she muttered. “If you were you'd be a popshicle.” Sara gasped and clamped her hands over her mouth. Reyes grinned at her. She'd told him about her family news somewhere between the second and third drink, swearing him to secrecy. It had felt right at the time but already she regretted it.

“I think you should return to your quarters, Pathfinder.” SAM sounded irritated.

“May I walk you back?” Reyes held out his hand and when Sara only stared at it, he lifted an eyebrow. “Just a friendly helping hand,” he promised.

She was afraid of touching him, she realized. It seemed so much safer to keep her distance. But she took his hand and let him help her to her feet. His grip was hot and strong, and they both held on a second longer than necessary. Sara remembered running hand-in-hand with him from Sloane's party, laughing and breathless from the kiss they'd shared. She jerked away like she'd been burned.

“SAM, dampen the effects. I should b'okay shoon,” she added to Reyes.

“I'm going that way anyway.”

She shrugged, and the world spun a little. He guided her through the much less crowded club to the doors. When they opened, the cool air rushing over her skin made her shiver, and it took some of the drunken haze with it. SAM's help was starting to work. She let Reyes walk her back anyway.

It was late into the night cycle by now and the hallways were quiet and dimly lit. Reyes had his hand gently on her elbow, supporting her. She glanced at him as they walked, the round curve of his chin, the line of his nose, his soft lips. She remembered the feel of them pressed to the small of her back. He was too close but she didn't move away.

Finally he turned and caught her looking. “We're here,” he said, gesturing at the door to the Tempest's docking bay. She'd had no idea they were this close. He was dangerous to her self-control; he always had been. He dropped his hand and stepped back. “It's good to see you, Ryder.”

She couldn't stop staring at his mouth and took a step to close the space he'd opened between them. The questions she'd been holding in her heart since he'd fled Kadara jumped to her lips, but she pushed them away. She'd probably never see him again. It wouldn't serve either of them to ask them now. She did have a new question, though.

“Why were you afraid of dancing with me?”

Reyes laughed nervously. “I don't like crowds.”

“Liar.”

“I think you already know the answer,” he said, taking another step back. She closed the space again. “What about Jaal?”

“He doesn't mind.”

“Ryder.” Reyes kept his voice calm, but she could see a storm in his eyes. He flushed and shifted awkwardly, and when she glanced down she saw that he was hard. He smiled disarmingly. “Such a traitorous organ.”

“What's the worst that could happen, Reyes?” she murmured. “You leave me without a word?”

“Ah,” he said, and his smile turned rueful. Reyes sketched a small bow. “Good night, Sara.” He turned to walk back towards the Hyperion.

“I thought you were going this way,” she called to his back.

He glanced back, winked, and continued on his way.

If he wasn't docked here at the Meridian portion, then that meant he was on the opposite end of the port. He hadn't been going this way at all, he'd just walked her back here to be nice. Her heart thumped. Dangerous.

 

* * *

 

Though she kept an eye out for the rest of the week, she didn't see Reyes again. She wondered if she should send him a message, and if so, why? She wasn't even sure what they'd had had meant anything to him and asking him about it now was pointless. But the questions lingered.

The Tempest left Meridian and they headed for Elaadan, making a routine stop to check on the outpost and make sure the water was still under Initiative control, and she didn't see him there, either. She'd spent months and months without thinking about him, happy with Jaal, but after one friendly night of drinking he was a ghost in her thoughts again, haunting her heart. She should've asked him every last question, not ignored it all in favor of his charming smile and big dreams. Then as they lifted from the planet's dusty surface, Vetra found Sara in the corridors of the Tempest.

“Hey, this is for you,” Vetra said, handing over a slender silver bottle. It looked expensive.

“A present? What's this for?”

“It's not from me.” Vetra made that 'my poor naïve human' face she often made at Sara. “Got it from some turian down there. Said it was from a friend. I checked it out to be sure it wasn't a bomb or anything. It's definitely the good stuff.”

Sara could see the seal had been cracked and she grinned. “You're a pal, Vetra.”

“Whatever. Let me know if you feel like you owe me another drink of it given it _could_ have been a bomb.”

Sara held out the bottle, and Vetra took a long swallow. She sighed when she handed it back. “Really good stuff.”

The bottle was cool in Sara's hands, a welcome change from the heat on Elaadan. She headed for her quarters and with every step, the bottle grew heavier. It had to be from him. When the doors to her quarters whooshed close behind her and SAM announced she had a new message, she knew it to be true.

> To: Sara Ryder  
>  From: Reyes Vidal
> 
> _Sara-_
> 
> _A little belated celebratory champagne for our victory. One of the last bottles in this cluster and almost as good as the whiskey we shared. Hopefully it will go down better than that horror you had on Meridian._
> 
> _You look good. Like a true Pathfinder. Keep up the good work._
> 
> _-Reyes_

Sara read the email three times. She remembered the taste of whiskey on his sun-warmed lips and slammed the bottle down on the desk. _Damn him_ , she thought.

The door beeped. “It's Jaal,” SAM announced.

“Come in,” she said, shutting off the terminal.

“My dearest,” Jaal said, moving towards her and sweeping her into his arms. “I missed you.” He kissed her warmly.

She laughed and returned his kiss with another. “I was only gone a few hours.”

“Too many.” He smiled at her. “Besides, I finished my research while you were gone and I wanted to share it with you.”

“Research?” She stretched her arms, tugged her hair out of its ponytail. “Weapons? Armor? Plants?”

“Not exactly.” He tugged at the hem of her shirt with his three fingers, dipped them under and stroked the skin of her stomach. “Liam has quite an extensive collection of movies that include lovemaking.”

“ _Oh_ ,” she sighed, when he knelt and let his lips follow his fingers on her waist.

The bottle glittered, forgotten, in the light of the SAM node on the desk.

 

* * *

 

“Do we have to go?” Peebee whined. “This is going to be so boring!”

“Everyone goes. Except Kallo.”

“Lucky,” Peebee pouted.

Sara brushed her hands through her hair, feeling awkward with it loose. She loved the dress Vetra had found for her, though. It was a simple black sheath, likely pieced together from several discarded outfits, but no one had anything like it in Heleus. Evening gowns hadn't been high on the packing list. Vetra had somehow found appropriate outfits for all of them: in addition to Sara's gown there were fancy jumpsuits for Suvi and Cora, and something resembling dinner jackets for Liam and Gil. Vetra, Peebee, and Jaal had all provided dressy versions of their usual wear while Vetra had found a bowtie and tied it around Drack, much to his chagrin. Kallo was staying behind to keep watch over the Tempest though Sara suspected he was also going to review Gil's latest upgrades with a much closer eye than Gil had allowed.

It had been a month since they'd last been on Meridian and they'd returned for a huge diplomatic party thrown by Director Tann to both bring together the Milky Way travelers with the angara, and honor Moshae Sfeja as the new ambassador. The group's footsteps echoed in the empty hallways. The event had drawn a big crowd, and everyone not going seemed to have made themselves scarce enjoying the evening off.

“You'll love it,” Liam said, tugging at his slightly too short sleeves. “Free food and drink, and people acting all snooty even though they all took a shit today like the rest of us.”

“Will there be dancing at least?”

“Unlikely,” Vetra said. “These types usually hate dancing.”

Cora frowned. “It's an honor to be invited to an event like this. They could have just asked for Ryder.”

“I wish they had,” Peebee grumbled.

Gil smoothed down his beard. “I'm looking forward to making new contacts.”

“For sex?” Peebee asked, grinning.

“God I hope so,” Gil said.

They arrived at the doors to the gathering and Sara stopped them outside. “Can you all at least try to have a good time, let people talk to the Tempest's vaunted crew, and not destroy anything?”

“I can't make any promises,” Drack said.

“Same,” Vetra said. Liam and Peebee both nodded, and Cora rolled her eyes at them.

“We'll represent you well, Ryder,” Suvi chimed in, somehow managing to make the others look contrite with a single glare.

Sara smiled at her friend and then held her hand out to Jaal. “Ready for this?”

“I believe I am.” He enveloped her hand with his own. “Shall I stay with you this evening?”

“No, everybody should split up. Tann tells me there's lots of interest in talking with all of you. You're all celebrities, and you don't get interviewed nearly as often as I do.”

“Celebrities?” Peebee perked up. “You should have led with that! Let's get this party started!” She opened the door and hurried inside. Vetra shrugged and went after her, and the rest of the group followed. Sara and Jaal brought up the rear.

The room was huge, a Meridian original with high ceilings and local flora all around the walls. Cora peeled off to examine the nearest plants. Rem-tech lights gleamed around the room, casting everything in a pleasant, pale white light. There were hundreds of people in the room but they still didn't fill the space. Liam and Suvi headed to tables loaded with Heleus and Milky Way foods and Drack lasered for the bar. Vetra had, unsurprisingly, already found someone she knew and was introducing them to Peebee.

Gil, Jaal, and Sara lingered together at the door until Tann broke from the crowd and headed straight for them.

“Pathfinder!” he said, waving at her, his eyes bright and pleased. He'd been planning this event for two months and hadn't talked about much else every time they interacted. “What do you think?”

“It looks wonderful, Tann. You should be proud.”

“I am,” he said. “Everyone worked very hard to make it happen, of course. I'm so glad you could make it.”

“Well the galaxy stayed quiet, thankfully.”

“Come, I have so many people to introduce you to.” He gestured for Sara to follow.

She kissed Jaal and patted Gil on the shoulder. “Have fun, gentlemen.”

Tann took her on a circle of the outer ring of people, and she shook enough hands that the names and faces became a blur, interrupted only by the occasional sight of one of her friends: Suvi laughing with an attractive woman with dark hair and a dressed-up hat; Drack still at the bar but having found Kesh and a krogan Sara didn't know; Liam chatting up a stoic-looking angaran; and Cora having an intense conversation about the plants with a salarian. She caught brief flashes of the others and all looked like they were behaving themselves and, more importantly, having a good time.

“I know it's a lot, Pathfinder,” Tann said. “Just a few more. Here, we even invited some of the exiles, per your request,” he said. “Sloane Kelly declined, rather impolitely, but some of the others made it.” When he turned to make introductions, there was Reyes, failing to hide his amusement. “Reyes Vidal, this is Pathfinder Sara Ryder. He represents the Collective.” Tann looked past Sara's shoulder, clearly not paying attention to her or Reyes. “If you'll excuse me,” he said, “I need to stop a krogan from eating our ice sculpture.” He hurried off, waving his arms at the krogan in question. The ice version of the Nexus was in danger of losing its arks.

“What are you doing here?” Sara blurted out after Tann's disappearance.

Reyes' lips quirked. “You should work on your greetings.”

“How do you even know Tann?”

“I have many contacts, Ryder. Not all of them are thieves and murderers.”

“If you're planning to use me to trick Tann-”

“Never,” he said, the single word dropping sharp between them. “I wouldn't use you,” he added, softer. “I am simply acting as the Collective's representative. That's why I'm here. I didn't know I'd be introduced to the venerable Sara Ryder.” She rolled her eyes.

“The Collective are smugglers. How did Tann even let you in here?”

“I was told that the Initiative working with officially formed groups of Exiles was something the human Pathfinder had arranged.”

She sighed. She had made every effort to work with Sloane and the Outcasts, had even conducted trade agreements with the exiles of Advent when they'd nearly come to blows over water. _Damn it._ “What do you want?”

“Just to make new friends.”

“You mean contacts.”

“Is it so unreasonable to hope they may be both?”

Sara ignored that. “Lucky for all of us Sloane isn't here, too.”

“She wouldn't do anything here, none of us would. We have an agreement about Meridian. It's too important to everyone. But outside of Meridian, well. There's a reason I spend so much time on Elaadan.”

Sara was suddenly desperately thirsty. She glanced towards the bar.

“Shall we get a drink?” Reyes asked.

She hesitated. The party was running full-force around them and she'd lost sight of all her friends again. Her options were to head back into the crowd and meet more people whose names she'd never remember, or delay it a few minutes having a drink with Reyes. “Just one this time,” she allowed, and she fell into step next to him as they headed for the bar around the outer edges of the gathering.

“Did you get my gift?” he asked.

“Yes. I forgot to thank you.”

“I figured you were just paying me back for my lack of messages. But you're welcome,” he said with a small, sincere smile.

They ordered two drinks that were ostensibly beers, though the smell was off. Reyes lifted his in a toast. “To a bright future,” he said. His eyes were warm in the Rem-tech light.

Sara clinked her glass against his. “At least for tonight,” she said, and he frowned before taking a drink. The beers tasted off, too, but it went smoothly down her throat and it was better than the Krusher.

“Still no angaran tonight?” Reyes asked, his voice casual.

“His name is Jaal. And he's here, just out talking to people. Like I should be.”

“It looked like Tann introduced you to almost everyone already.”

“A few minutes here is a nice break,” she conceded.

Reyes took a long swallow of his beer. “That dress suits you surprisingly well.”

Sara looked down at herself. “You're surprised I look good in a dress?”

“It's not how I'm used to seeing you,” he said. “But you wear it like a second skin.”

When she looked back at him, the calm reserve had dropped and the heat in his eyes burned her. Sara's mouth went dry. He was wearing a pair of dressy civvies himself, and she suddenly focused on the way his throat looked disappearing into the white V of his shirt. She wanted to press her fingers against his skin and feel the heat and force of his pulse. She rested her free hand on the bar so it didn't betray her.

“You clean up well yourself,” Sara said.

Reyes shifted and moved closer to her and she smelled the familiar tang of Initiative-standard aftershave. He rested his hand near hers on the bar, a fingertip away. “I have been thinking about our last meeting,” he said in a low voice. “About something in particular that you said.”

Sara closed the space between their hands, pressing her fingers against his. Her stomach shuddered. Reyes licked his lips.

“Darling!” Jaal broke through the crowd and came up, smiling. “You were right, this has been quite an experience already.”

Sara flushed and tore her gaze from Reyes to Jaal. She exhaled shakily. “It's going well?”

“Extremely.” He traced his thick finger over her ear and turned to Reyes. “I know you,” he said, his eyes narrowing in thought, before saying “Ah! Vidal.” Reyes inclined his head. Jaal looked between them and frowned. “Is it going well with you?” he asked Sara meaningfully.

Her heart steadied at his concern. “I'm fine,” she said, squeezing his hand for emphasis. “Reyes and I were just catching up.”

“You must have much to catch up on,” he said seriously. Reyes smiled briefly behind his glass.

“Jaal Ama Darav, it's a pleasure to see you again,” Reyes said, holding out his hand. Jaal took it and they shook cordially.

“I am pleased it's not on Kadara at least,” Jaal said.

Reyes laughed softly. “I did miss your steadfast disgust for Kadara.”

Music started, a quintet composed of a human, asari, turian, krogan, and angaran playing native instruments to a newly composed tune. The crowd applauded politely and then Tann was urging people to dance. He caught sight of Sara and waved her over.

“Looks like you have your next mission,” Reyes said, still smiling. The deep desire had completely disappeared, and Sara wondered briefly whether she'd imagined it. “Ryder. Jaal. Enjoy your dance.”

She slipped her arm through Jaal's, felt the warm comfort of his solid body, and they headed to Tann to start the dancing. Sara glanced back at the bar as they walked, but Reyes was already gone.

 

* * *

 

“Was that all right?” Jaal asked later that evening after he'd peeled off Sara's dress and they were lying in bed, sweaty and flushed post-orgasm.

“It was great,” Sara said. At least she had her breath back.

“I know my physiology is not what you are used to.”

“Your, uh, physiology is way better than you know.” She'd discovered that though angaran penises were thinner than humans', they were also much more flexible and versatile, and his large finger was a good approximation anyway. “Believe me.”

He chuckled. “You do sound like you enjoy it. And I have done what research on human sexuality that I can based on what Liam and Dr. T'Perro have provided.” He shifted onto his side to face her. “I want to make sure I am pleasing you.”

“I am pleased. Well, well pleased.” She stretched and turned to face him. “What about you? I haven't even done any research,” she said, feeling guilty. “Is there something else I should be doing?”

“I am also pleased,” he said, smiling wide. “Well, well pleased.”

“Good.” But his smile dropped and he returned to the serious face from before. “Okay what is it?”

“You and Reyes Vidal were lovers.”

Sara went still. “Yes.”

“And he is human.”

“Yes?” she said, less certain about where Jaal was going with this.

“Are there things he did that I cannot do?”

Memories flashed through her mind: Reyes as good with his mouth as promised, Reyes' hands seeming to be everywhere at once, his weight pressed on top of her, the sharp bite of his teeth, his smell, his taste. She shook her head. “It doesn't matter. He's a different person; everyone does different things. He's not the only person I've had sex with before.”

“But he's the only one in this galaxy. It is fair to use him as an example.”

“I don't think of him when I'm with you.”

Jaal smiled, warm and sure. “I didn't think you did.” He shifted up onto his elbow. “Do you know he wishes to make love with you again?”

Her face grew hot. “What?”

“It was impossible to miss this evening, in the way he looked at you. Many looked at you admiringly, for you were exquisite. But his had a special shine. Would it bother you if Vidal still has feelings for you?”

“I can't imagine he does, but I'm sorry if it's true.”

“Why?” Jaal asked, looking genuinely confused.

She curled her fingers inside his hand. “I don't know, it just seems awkward. Wouldn't it bother you?”

“Why should it? If he had divest himself of you so simply I would respect him less. You are an extraordinary woman, Sara, and it has not been that long since you two were together.”

She didn't know what to say to that, so she brought his knuckles to her cheek. “I do feel weird seeing him again,” she admitted. “Complicated. It's not the first time, either. I never told you I saw him at the bar when we were here last. Didn't seem worth it since the chances of seeing him again at all were so small.” She shook her head. “We talked some over drinks. That night he seemed really interested in helping things get settled around here, helping us make a life in Heleus. But he's still an exile, still a representative of the Collective. Still the Charlatan.”

Jaal sat up in bed, tugged her up, too, to face him. The air in her quarters was set for cool in the evenings, and she shivered when the sheet slipped from her chest.

“Do you still love him?” His tone was gentle, curious. It soothed the nervous clench of her stomach the question had caused.

“I'm not even sure who I was in love with in the first place.”

“But he remains with you,” Jaal pressed his warm hand to her bare chest. “In your heart.”

“I love _you_.”

Jaal laughed gently. “I know that my dearest one. Your feelings for him were at least similar to what you feel for me now though, yes? And that bond between you was broken quite involuntarily as I recall.”

Sara was quiet. She remembered the sharp taste of betrayal when Reyes had stepped out of the shadows in that cave. How desperately she'd wanted it to not be true. The days and weeks afterward that she'd walked through her duties in a miserable haze. She'd only just gotten over it when her feelings for Jaal had broken like a sunrise in her heart. “I could never love Reyes the same way I love you. Not after everything. Not with who you are, and who he is.”

“It is all right, if you do.”

“I'm mad at him,” she said, realizing the truth of it even as she said the words. “Still. That he lied to me. That he pretended all that time. That he left and never even tried-” She shook her head. “Of course if he had, then I might not be with you. Maybe I should be thankful.”

“For that reason alone, I am. But his leaving still hurts you?”

She wanted to say no, to deny Reyes even that tiny bit of hold on her life. He'd lost that right in the cave on Kadara. But Jaal looked so sincere that as much as she wanted to, she couldn't. Sara sighed. “Yes.”

“Then perhaps it would be best for you to meet with him one more time, on purpose, so you can heal that wound. Your heart is precious to me and I would see it whole.”

“I'd rather just be done with him. It's a big galaxy, I'll probably never see him again.” _And yet it's been twice already_ , she thought. “What good would it do?”

“It would give you a chance to yell at him.”

She laughed a little. “What if talking to him about it just makes me madder?”

“That is always a possibility. I will make sure you do not “accidentally” shoot him afterward.”

“Spoilsport.” They smiled at each other. She thought of all the questions that she'd wanted to ask Reyes, the things she'd wanted to say. She also remembered how he had looked at her that evening, just before Jaal had shown up. The electric spark of her fingers on his. How she'd felt when he'd walked her to the Tempest a month ago. Nerves tickled at her throat. Once he'd given her his heart, Jaal had opened every piece of himself to her and she had vowed not to keep secrets from him, either. That's what had ruined it for her and Reyes in the first place. “What if,” she took a breath, “what if healing this just...opens the door again to something more?”

Jaal silently studied her for a long minute, his face inscrutable in the dim light. “Why do you occasionally like to go out on your own?”

“You know why.”

“Yes, but do you?”

Sara frowned. “I like the excitement. The tension of something new and unknown. I like exploring people.”

He nodded. “Why do you think I agreed so readily to it?”

“Because the sex after is incredible,” she said, grinning.

Jaal briefly smiled back. “It is, that is true. But it is more than that. You need it. Your heart needs it. The fire and life in you fill whole galaxies, Sara. It would be my great arrogance to think a single sun could warm every edge, no matter how brightly it shines.”

“Flirting, kissing – those aren't real. They're temporary. I don't need more than you.”

He tilted his head a little, what she considered his 'professor' look. It charmed her every time, unconscious as it was. “As you know, angarans have many mothers. Some also have several fathers. The relationships among angara are complex and may involve two angarans, or more if all are willing. Sometimes the heart loves someone and grows so full it finds the strength to love another.”

“That doesn't make sense.”

“Because you see love as a finite resource. We see it as infinite. Love feeds love.”

“Don't you get jealous?”

He smiled. “Some do. Many do not. Not everyone's hearts work the same.” He brought her hand up to his chest, so they mirrored each other. His skin was hot against her palm. “Your love for me is clear and bright as any star. I do not doubt it. _You_ are my heart, Sara. Tell me how yours works, and mine will match your beat. If the door opens, then we can look through it together and decide what to do. And if you choose to walk through alone, I will be...devastated, if I am honest. But if that is where your heart needs to be, you must follow it. Though I do not know if I would truly trust him with it.”

“That won't happen,” she promised, her voice fierce.

His round eyes softened. “I believe you.” He pulled her in for a long, slow kiss that had her breath coming fast by the time they broke apart. “Now,” he murmured, “perhaps we can do more exploring?” He tugged her willingly back down to the bed, and she didn't think of Reyes at all.

 

* * *

 

In the light of day, with distance between her and Reyes and the physical feelings that had swirled between them, Sara decided in this case, no matter Jaal's galaxies and love building, avoidance was the smarter course. They left Meridian that day, off on another task for the Initiative, and it wasn't until a few days later that Jaal asked her about it over a plate of cold meats in the galley. When she'd indicated she had no interest in it, he'd made a small noise in his throat and said “as you wish.” He hadn't brought it up again.

A few weeks later Sara was on her own in the Nomad on Eos, checking out some of their mining drones and setting new ones under SAM's direction.

“Pathfinder,” SAM said as the Nomad bumped and whirred over the rocky ground. “There is a shuttle beaming a signal a short way off.”

“Distress?”

“Not precisely. Request for assistance.”

“Let's check it out. Set the coordinates.” Sara checked the HUD, saw it was off a bit to the left and around a low hill. She led the Nomad off-road, her hands gripping the wheel with loose confidence. The others made fun of her, but she loved driving the Nomad off the path. It reminded her of the wild roads they'd sometimes have to forge to find artifacts for their research back in the Milky Way.

They came around the hill and a simple, unmarked shuttle sat, squat and silent. “Who's it belong to, SAM?”

“Unknown, Pathfinder. Any identification has been stripped from the signal and there are no markings I can scan on the outside. There is one figure inside, likely human.”

“Probably an exile, maybe from Advent, then.” The shuttle door opened as she parked the Nomad a safe distance away, checked her pistol was loaded and ready just in case. She stepped out of the offroader and when the figure emerged, her stomach fluttered. _Unbelievable_ she thought.

“What are you doi-” she started, before snapping her mouth shut. “Hello,” she began again.

Reyes' face split into a wide smile. “Much better,” he said.

Sara stared at him for a long second and then couldn't contain the question. “Seriously what are you doing here?”

He laughed. “I ought to ask you the same question.”

“I'm answering your signal for assistance.”

“I didn't know you'd arrived on Eos.”

“We just got here a little while ago.” She waved her hand in the air, like she was brushing all their words away. “What are you doing _here_?” she asked again.

“Scouting for the Collective. But it appears our shuttle servicing schedule has been haphazard.” He frowned sharp, but briefly. “I could use another pair of hands to fix it. I didn't want to set myself up as a sitting duck but the rest of the Collective is off-planet still so I didn't have much choice. Fate has stepped in once more to bring us together. Imagine that.”

Sara did not want to imagine anything with Reyes, but she suddenly thought of the conversation she'd had with Jaal and a small, perverse part of her wondered if he'd somehow arranged this. It seemed more reasonable than running randomly into her ex-lover for a third time in a cluster the size of Heleus.

“Have you been following me or something?”

“Truthfully, no. I've been working on behalf of the Collective. I wasn't kidding when I said it was keeping me busy. Trying to get an entire group re-established is incredibly difficult. It's why I'm on Eos now.” He shrugged. “This truly is just a twist of fate.”

She didn't like the word 'fate.' It struck her as too dangerously romantic. She thought of Jaal and his open door, and she carefully closed it.

“I guess fate wants me to help you. Maybe it's payback for making the Collective move in the first place. What can I do?”

Communicating silently with SAM she thought, _Keep an eye out for anything suspicious._ She wasn't entirely sure this wasn't a setup of some sort, though if that was because of the random absurdity of it or because she didn't fully trust Reyes, she wasn't sure.

“Here,” he said, lowering himself smoothly to the ground onto his back and pulling himself under the open console. “Electrical problems. So much dust and heat on Elaadan, if you don't watch out it can eat away at the connections. I know how to fix it, but I need extra hands to hold wires in place, connect components, clean out the lingering sand.” He patted the ground next to him. “Down here.”

Sara laid down next to him, her shoulder pressed against his while he pointed out where she needed to assist. They worked in easy harmony, Reyes' deft hands stripping wires, soldering other pieces together while Sara held and closed and cleaned up behind him. It was familiar and cozy and every question she'd wanted to ask pressed against her tightly clenched teeth.

“You know, I don't blame you,” he said quietly after awhile, wiping sweat from his brow. “For where the Collective is now.”

“How are they doing?”

“Tired of Elaadan.” He laughed a little. “None more than I.”

“And you're hoping to get them re-established here? A smuggling group on an Initiative planet?”

She was staring up at the exposed circuit boards above her but she could still feel his annoyance. “Would you rather we starve on a krogan planet?”

“You could rejoin the Initiative.”

“A few did,” he said. “But for most of us, that's an impossibility. We work hard, we suffer sometimes, but we do it under our own governance.”

“You mean the Charlatan isn't a dictator?”

“That's not my style.”

“And after you? What's that person going to be like?”

Reyes snapped off the end of the wire he was working on and cursed. He shifted a little to re-position himself and his hip brushed against hers. Sara cursed the small sizzle of heat that went with it. “Whatever happens after I'm gone will still be up to the Collective to decide. In the meantime, we won't interfere with you as long as you don't interfere with us.”

She turned her head to face him. “You steal from the Initiative, how is that not interfering?”

“We take nothing you can't survive without.” He glanced at her and she watched a bead of sweat slide down his nose and land on his lips. “You let Sloane have an entire planet and she outright murdered people.”

“Your hands aren't clean, Reyes.”

“No one's are, not out here,” he said. He tugged at one of the boards, blew on it, and put it back. “We're done.”

She jumped to her feet before he could offer to help her up, her shoulder warm from where they'd been squeezed together. He moved quickly around the shuttle and soon the dark console was glowing again. Sara stepped outside, blinking in the sunlight. It felt like they'd been down there for hours, but it had been twenty minutes at best.

“Anything, SAM?” she asked quietly.

“Negative, Pathfinder. All is clear. I did a scan of the console while Vidal was fixing it and he was telling the truth about how it had broken down.”

He hadn't lied about that, at least.

She spotted flowers, new since Meridian, spread around a tree on the nearby low hill, and went to examine them. She should get in the Nomad and go, but her heart was pounding and tension coiled tightly in her chest, a heavy weight that pressed hard. Three times now she'd randomly run into Reyes, and if he were going to bring the Collective here – if she weren't going to try to stop him from doing so – then it might not be the last time. She wasn't sure if stopping them would even be to protect the Initiative or to eke some small measure of personal revenge. The coil gripped her tighter.

Sara bent to smell one of the flowers, caught a sweet, alien scent. She gently snapped the stem and examined its curlicue petals. There were three of them, and they wove around each other, distinct but forming an intricate pattern.

“Thank you,” Reyes said, exiting the shuttle.

Sara turned to face him. He looked wary, and hopeful. Every question surged, retreated, like waves on a shore. The coil around her heart spread into her lungs and she forced herself to breathe slowly. “We have to talk about us. About Kadara,” she said, the words escaping before she could pull them back.

He pressed his lips together into a thin, tight line. “I had hoped we could avoid that.”

“Avoid which part of it? The part where you lied to me? Or the part where you ran and never came back?”

“I never expected you to show up with Sloane. I'm sorry she dragged you into it.”

The tension that had warped so tightly in her snapped free; her hands clenched into fists. “You think _that's_ my problem? That Sloane accidentally ruined your fucking charade?”

“No. No, of course not. Let me explain.” He held his hands out, placating, and it only made her angrier.

“I don't want your explanations.”

“What do you want? I'll give it to you.”

“I wanted _you_ , you asshole!” The golden light of the afternoon sun washed over his stricken face. Finally, finally, he dropped the charming smuggler act and was just Reyes again, the Reyes she remembered from those brief times it was the two of them alone. Her heart twisted. “I loved you and you lied to me every minute we were together. When the truth finally came out, you threw out a quick message and then you were gone. For _months_. And now you saunter back into my life, act like nothing happened, and apologize for _Sloane's_ actions? I should send her a basket of flowers to thank her!” She brushed away angry tears, hating every one of them. Jaal had been right: her heart had been holding this wound for too long.

Reyes' eyes went dark with something she couldn't name. “I'm sorry I hurt you,” he said. His voice was hoarse.

Her own sharp exhalations were loud in the warm, still air. There were no birds here, and the settlements were too far away to hear any of the noises of their busy lives being lived. Sara looked out over the horizon. There were so many questions she wanted to ask, to pick apart everything that had happened so she could understand. “Why did you do it?”

“Which part?”

She wanted to understand all of it, but she knew what mattered most to her now. “Pretend like you felt anything for me.”

“I wasn't pretending,” he said, his voice low. When Sara looked at him, Reyes looked away. “I told you on Kadara, I wasn't lying about everything. Everything between us was real.”

“You can't even look at me when you're lying. Didn't they teach you eye contact in smuggler school?”

Reyes' head came up fast and he stared straight at her. “I loved you, Sara.”

Sara's eyes were hot, but she was done with tears. She wanted to believe him, could when he was looking at her like he needed that belief like air. “Then why did you run away?” she asked.

“I was lost.” He shook his head. “You, us, hadn't been part of my very careful plans. I didn't know how to account for everything that you were. I was stuck in my shuttle, licking my wounds. After what happened, I assumed you hated me; I wasn't sure what you had felt for me and my pride wouldn't let me reach out to you, thinking you had picked Sloane over me. I should have walked away when you came in with her.”

“Why didn't you? Did you think I was going to let you kill her?”

“I thought,” he scrubbed his hands through his hair. “I don't know.”

“You should have told me about being the Charlatan.”

Reyes laughed darkly. “And what would you have done if I had? Would you have let me kill her then? Tried to dissuade me from my plans? Turned the Charlatan in for his crimes? Or would you have turned away from me from the first? How would this have ended any differently between us whether you knew or not?” Sara had no answer for that. Reyes nodded. “I should have walked away once Vehn Terev was safe, but I didn't want to. You are who you are, Ryder, and I am who I am. Once we crossed that bridge, everything after was inevitable.”

This had been a mistake. She didn't feel any better, and now she was regretting even the good moments they'd had. Sara sighed, and what tension was left flooded out of her and left her empty. She relaxed her hands and the flower she'd forgotten about dropped to the ground. She watched it fall, one of the petals torn and fluttering.

Sara looked back to Reyes and they stared at each other as though across a vast chasm. She had thought to build a bridge, but they'd only burned it down.

“Goodbye, Reyes,” Sara said, turning for the Nomad.

“Sara.” She paused, looked back over her shoulder. The sun illuminated him and for a moment he looked desperate, helpless. He glanced out at the horizon and when he looked back he'd masked all of it. “Goodbye.”

She nodded once and continued walking away.

 

* * *

 

Sara checked in with August at Prodromos to make sure things were still running smoothly before heading back to the Tempest. Most of the crew was off-ship, meeting friends and enjoying the fresh air. Gil was visiting the very pregnant Jill, Cora tending to her garden.

“SAM, where's Jaal?” Sara asked over the metallic clank of her boots on the ramp.

“He is in the galley.”

“Have him meet me in my quarters.”

“Yes, Pathfinder.”

She hurried through the quiet corridors of the Tempest, brushed her hand along the smooth walls as she went. When the ship was docked she missed the quiet hum of the engines and the atmosphere at work. The Tempest was as much a part of the crew as any of them, their quiet guardian in the cold reaches of space.

Jaal was sitting on the edge of the bed when she entered her quarters, and her erratic heartbeat steadied at the sight of him. He looked worried.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

“I ran into Reyes again.”

“What happened? Did you speak with him, as we discussed?”

“Sort of.” Sara said.

“And...your feelings for Vidal?”

“My heart is with yours, Jaal, always.” He nodded and stood, folding her into his warm embrace.

“Did you heal your hurt?”

She sighed into his firm chest. “Not exactly.”

Jaal kissed her hair. “I'm sorry.”

“I did get to yell at him, though. That was worth it.” She felt Jaal's chuckle reverberate between them.

“Yelling can be therapeutic. Do you wish to talk about it?”

He'd loved her, Reyes said. It meant he wasn't just a good actor and she a naïve sap, as she'd assumed after it all went bad. The part of him she had believed in was real after all. Knowing that now only made the weight of the ruins heavier. She pulled back, shook her head. “I'd rather take a nap, I'm exhausted.”

Jaal caressed her face, the pads of his fingers rough with callouses. “My most darling one. If there is some way I can help, you have only to ask.”

“Just be you,” she said, following her words with a gentle kiss. “That's all you ever have to do.”

 

* * *

 

It was on Kadara that she saw him next.

A few days after Eos they had stopped on the Outcast planet so Sara could touch base with Sloane and exchange friendly barbs with Ketus, who'd completely recovered. Now she and Suvi were idly shopping in the marketplace. Suvi was examining a table of supposedly 'authentic' Remnant artifacts and telling Sara about her new girlfriend, Analise, the dark-haired woman she'd met at Tann's diplomatic party.

Over Suvi's delighted laugh about a joke Analise had told her, Sara caught the familiar timbre of Reyes' voice. She looked around carefully, found him a few stalls down, haggling with and smiling flirtatiously at the man behind the counter.

“What is he doing here?” Sara asked out loud, and Suvi turned from the necklace she was considering.

“Who? Oh, him.” Suvi said, following Sara's gaze. “Are you going to go over there and yell at him?”

“I already did.”

“When? And you didn't tell me?” Suvi put her hands on her hips, frowned at Sara. “What else have you been keeping from me?”

“We had drinks together, too.”

Suvi's mouth dropped open. “How am I just finding out about this?”

Reyes winked at the man, tapped his Omni-tool and then took a small pouch back. He turned and walked away, never having noticed her at all. She stomped down the disappointment. “Because it didn't seem important.”

“Your face is saying otherwise. Do you want to talk about it?”

Sara chewed her lip. She and Suvi had flirted off and on when they'd first started on the Tempest, but that flirtation had settled into a deep and caring friendship. It would be nice to talk about everything that had happened with someone who wasn't her actual boyfriend. “I would actually, if you have some time?”

“I'm all yours,” Suvi said, smiling. “Let's finish up here and head back. I'll get some things and meet you in your quarters.”

 

* * *

 

Suvi's things ended up being her tea set. Suvi set it up while Sara cleared a space for them to sit, busying themselves in companionable silence, until Suvi set two steaming teacups at the table. Sara sat down, inhaled the rich aroma. The tea was pale. “This smells amazing.”

“One of my last packs of the magnolia oolong, one of my favorites.” Suvi took a sip, sighed with pleasure. “Delicious.” She settled back against the low couch and tucked her feet under herself. “So how was it, seeing Vidal again?”

“Confusing. I'm mad at him, but,” Sara chewed her bottom lip, not sure where her feelings were even going. “I don't know.”

“I remember how hurt you were after what happened on Kadara. I know you tried to hide the full of it from us, but you're not very good at holding back your emotions.” Sara smiled ruefully. “Seeing someone again that you loved, especially with how it all ended, that's a lot of feelings to deal with.”

Sara nodded slightly. “I asked him about what had happened. He said it was inevitable.”

“I can see that. What you both want isn't compatible.”

“We both want peace in Heleus. A chance for everyone to find their place. It's mostly how we want to achieve it that's not compatible.”

“He's an exile and a smuggler. It goes against the very aims of the Initiative.”

“The Initiative's made an agreement with Sloane Kelly. Reyes isn't any worse than she is.”

“And his actions as Charlatan? What they did to Ketus?”

Sara sighed. “Both of their groups did terrible things. At some point, if they apologize, make amends, do better, then we need to move on.”

“You're finding a lot of reasons not to hate him,” Suvi said, her voice quiet. “Everyone makes bad choices sometimes, Sara, or reads people the wrong way. Even Pathfinders. Even you.”

“I know the bad things about him. But I know what else is there, what he doesn't like to admit. There's more of that than the bad.”

“Mm.” Suvi sipped her tea. “What about Jaal?”

Sara eyed the other woman. “Jaal suggested he'd be okay if I wanted an open relationship.”

Suvi's teacup clanked against the saucer. “What, really?”

“Well, it was more poetic than that. He talked about love feeding love and relationships giving you strength and walking through open doors together. But basically, yes.”

“Well.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want one?” That was the question Sara had steadfastly refused to ask herself, and she struggled for an answer now. Suvi lifted an eyebrow. “Silence isn't a yes, but it's not a no, either.”

“Even if I did, I don't know if I could. I don't know if Reyes would. There's too many unknowns; it requires too much trust that we don't have.”

“Then I suppose that closes that door you talked of.”

“I guess so.”

They drank the rest of their tea in silence while Sara tried to answer what seemed the unanswerable question: could she trust Reyes enough to love him again? He hadn't lied about his feelings, but all the rest...was there anything left but rubble from which to build a new foundation?

“What do you think, about the whole Reyes thing?” Sara asked finally.

“It's not up to me, is it?”

“I could use some reassurance.”

“That staying with just Jaal is a good decision? Of course it is. He's one of the kindest beings I've met in my life, and he thinks the stars revolve around you. You love him, too, it's easy to see. And I remember how marvelous it was when you and Jaal fell in love. I could practically see the hearts floating around you both. Was adorable, really. You'd be a fool to upend all that if you can't trust Vidal, if it's not worth it to try. And that math only you can do. Does that help?”

“Blunt, but effective.” Sara sipped her tea. Suvi was right about all of it, of course. She would just lock the door and be done with Reyes. Unless the galaxy was not as big as it seemed, they'd only ever see each other in passing, if at all. And that would be enough.

 

* * *

 

> To: Sara Ryder  
>  From: Reyes Vidal
> 
> _Ryder,_
> 
> _I know you don't want to see me, but I have news you should hear. Regarding someone important to you that's still sleeping. Meet me on Eos in two days, after sunrise, at the tree with the flowers._
> 
> _\- Reyes_
> 
>  

* * *

 

The sunrise turned the golden ground pink as Sara waited by the tree. She'd shown Reyes' message to Jaal, who had looked surprised but encouraged her to meet with him alone, in case the presence of someone else scared Reyes off. She'd called Scott next, checked in with him to make sure their mother was okay, but he'd said he'd been to visit her a week ago and everything was fine. So now Sara was here, a month since the last time she'd been in this exact spot, standing among the soft, curling flowers. Her stomach was clenched in a tight ball. Had Reyes used his knowledge about her mother to try to eke out some win for the Collective? She could imagine no good end to this conversation. Sara knelt down at the base of the tree and took a deep breath.

“And I thought you were waiting for me, not on a botany trip,” Reyes said from behind her.

Sara stood quickly, her hand going to her pistol. Reyes held his hands up in mock surrender. “Don't shoot,” he said, smiling.

“Don't give me a reason to,” she snapped back, her heart racing already.

Reyes' eyes widened a little but he settled into his familiar, slouching stance, hands resting lightly on his hips. It was a posture meant to look relaxed, but ready. “I wasn't sure you would come.”

“How could I not? What's your news?”

“It's about your mother.”

“Has something happened? If you've done anything-”

He held up his hand. “As far as I know, she's fine. I and none of my people have been near the cryobay. This is, I think, good news.”

Sara's shoulders relaxed slightly. “What kind of good news?”

“There are amazing things in Heleus, and smugglers see many of them. We came across an angaran ship that some rogue group had shot down and discovered some specialized angaran medicines that were being transported for research. When we took them to our contact to tell us what we'd found, she passed along some very interesting information.” He pulled a datapad he'd had tucked in his belt and handed it to her.

Sara read it quickly, noted the key words “tissue regeneration” and “astonishing” scattered among the paragraphs of med-speak. “What did you do with the samples?”

“Research pays very well,” he said simply.

Sara frowned. “So you don't have them anymore. How does this help me?”

“The samples were quite small,” he said. “The plant it comes from is very rare. And the research is in its infancy from what my contact says. But.” He pulled something else out, a long vial filled with a dark liquid. “I thought perhaps your Dr. T'Perro could take a stab at it.”

Sara's heart stuttered in her chest and when she took the vial from him, her hand was shaking. “You saved this for me,” she said. He nodded, silent. If it were as rare and potentially miraculous as he said, it would have been worth a fortune. “Thank you.”

The words seemed inadequate, so she stepped forward and gave him a swift hug, there and back before he could bring his arms up fully to return it. When she stepped back, he looked surprised and pleased.

“Better than credits,” he said, smiling.

“No hug is worth the amount of credits you must have given up. But this means so much to me.”

“I had hoped it would.” He glanced down at the flowers. “So many amazing things,” he said again. He bent and picked one of the flowers. “You did this, you know. Brought these flowers back to Eos. You made this planet, and others, livable for humans.”

“It's my job.”

“It's your heart,” Reyes said. He tucked the flower in her hair. “You make everything better when you're around.” He was smiling, but his words were quiet and serious. “Well. Until next time we randomly run into each other again,” he said, turning.

“Reyes, wait.” Reyes stopped, looked back to her. “What are you doing here?”

He smiled at the now familiar phrase and tilted his head. “Just giving you that.”

“You could've had someone else deliver it, like the champagne on Elaadan. Why you, when you knew I may have just walked away?”

“Ah.” He licked his lips, shrugged carelessly. “You also make me better when you're around.”

“Oh,” she said. It was all she could muster.

He studied her carefully. “May I ask you a question?” Sara nodded. “Why did you want to talk about Kadara, the last time we met?” His hopeful eyes made him look younger. She thought of Jaal's belief in love building on love.

“To move on,” she said, and Reyes jerked back like she'd slapped him. “Jaal suggested it. I was still angry about what you did. I had to let it go.”

Reyes smirked bitterly. “So helpful, your Jaal.”

“He is. He's open and kind and loves me.”

“A prince. You must be very happy with him. Are we done, then? Have you stitched up your heart enough to move on?”

Now that she'd yelled at him, she could be quiet and really listen. The hurt in his voice was palpable, had been every time they'd talked about what had been. Everything she had felt in that cave on Kadara came back to her: the way her heart had risen and fallen seeing Reyes and then realizing why he was there; how she would have let him and Sloane have their duel, hoping desperately he would win; and the sinking realization when SAM announced the sniper. But now she could imagine his side, too. His own tumultuous emotions and bad decisions that led them to a no-win situation in a dark corner of the galaxy.

And then she thought of the other moments she had so furiously tried to forget: on the roof with him, warm from the sunset and alcohol and belief that they were young and unstoppable and in love; the makeshift bed they'd made in a shuttle and his weight on top of her; how he made her laugh, set her free when she needed it. There had been so much to hope for between them. She thought of Suvi and the question Sara had avoided, the math she alone could calculate. The answers slid into focus.

Sara felt like she was teetering on the edge of a cliff, not sure which way to fall. Back down onto the solid earth, or forward into the depths where she'd fall before hitting hard. She looked at the tree, its branches reaching out in all directions, and thought of Jaal and the angara. The roots dug deep, and the trunk grew tall because of them. With the right foundation, anything was possible; even something terrifying. Perhaps it wasn't just solid earth or falling. What if, with the right support, she could fly?

In her heart, a door opened.

“No,” she said. “I'm not done.”

Reyes looked exhausted, and sad. But instead of complaining, he faced her like a firing squad. “Go on.”

“I don't want to think about that cave on Kadara anymore, Reyes. I don't want my heart to be stitched. I want it to be whole.”

“We all carry scarred hearts. It's the price of being alive.”

“Fine, not whole. But not afraid, either.”

“Sara,” he said, and her name sounded like a bell on his tongue. “I feel like I'm in zero-g.”

“I'm a believer in second chances.”

“Perhaps we could be friends again, then?” he offered the words tentatively, like a peace offering.

Sara shifted closer to him. “I don't want to just be friends,” she said, her heart beating wildly, like a bird struggling to take flight. “I want to be more.”

She saw him swallow hard. “What about Jaal?”

“It was his idea originally. He stays, too.”

“You mean, the three of us...?”

“Well, you and me, and me and him. What happens between you two only has to stay civil.”

Reyes grinned, quick and dirty. “I am also fond of noble men,” he said.

Sara considered the two of them together, felt her stomach do a slow roll of lust. Well.

“We are still both who we were,” he continued, serious again. “When so little has changed, how will it be any different?”

“We're not who we were, not really. You fought for Meridian because you believed in it. I've made deals and decisions I never expected to forge peace out here. You were right, last time, that no one has clean hands out here. Not even me. At the heart of it, we want the same things. I'm betting on us being able to bend where it matters without compromising ourselves. There's also the other change: Jaal. He said something to me when we first talked about this, about how love makes you strong enough to love another. I didn't understand then, but I do now. I'm brave enough to be with you, because I love him.”

“And if this still doesn't work?”

“Then we end it better this time and move on with our scars. But we start fresh, and honest. No more lying.”

“I'm not good at honesty.”

“You are when it counts,” she said. “If it's worth it – if I'm worth it – then consider me in your plans this time. You're a better man then you give yourself credit for, Reyes.”

“You make me believe it.” He took her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm. “Where do we go from here?”

“For now,” she said, wrapping her hand around his neck, warm from the morning sun, “we stay right here.” She tugged him towards her and he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tight. There was no hesitation in the crush of his lips on hers. Reyes' mouth was hot, ravenous, and everything she'd wanted since she'd pushed out of the crowd in the club on Meridian. They pressed against each other, his belt digging into the skin of stomach, her fingers hard vises on his shoulders. The smell of flowers, disturbed under their eager feet, enveloped them, and the heat of the sun reflected the heat roaring through her.

It felt like the galaxy was expanding in her chest. Love building on love.

Reyes pulled away first, though he was panting when he did. “Yes, that seems familiar,” he said through reddened lips.

“I get the point. No starting entirely over.”

“I thought the point was I am still good with my mouth.”

“You'll have time to prove that later,” she said, her body buzzing at the thought. Her lips felt swollen and eager for more. She pressed her hands flat against the hard armor on his chest. “I have to talk to Jaal about all of this. My relationship with him is my rock. It's the reason I can do this at all. It comes first, while we figure us out.”

Reyes nodded. “Of course. That's fair.” He covered her hands with easy familiarity. “I will sit anxiously waiting to hear from you again.”

“Aren't you busy? Don't you still have the Collective to get settled?”

She delighted in his easy chuckle. “You kept your head better than I did. Maybe you should be the Charlatan.”

“Not my style,” she said.

His smile dimmed, the light they'd ignited dampening in his eyes. His fingers curled against her hands. “What if I am not the man you think I am? I am...afraid things will go badly. That I will hurt you again.”

“You might. I might hurt you, too. And that worrying about it? That's something Jaal can help with, too. My heart isn't just on you to care for.”

She felt his body relax under her palms. “I had not planned for this when I asked you to meet me here. The best I had hoped for was you wouldn't look at me like you had last time. You're always messing up my plans, Sara Ryder.”

She kissed him again and this time his lips were soft and sweet under hers. “Get used to it. I'm hoping it's a problem you'll have for a long time.”

“Are you sure I can't convince you to join me in my shuttle?” he asked. His voice was deep with desire and it curled around her spine, tempting her.

“Not yet. But soon.”

“Hurry,” he said, releasing her hands. “I'm not good at waiting, either.”

 

* * *

 

Sara nearly ran for the Nomad, partly to get more quickly back to Jaal, partly to keep from running back to Reyes and taking him up on his shuttle offer.

She looked behind her as she sped away, saw Reyes watching her leave.

“I am confused about what just happened,” SAM said.

Sara laughed, giddy and terrified. “I jumped off a cliff and learned how to fly.”

A pause. “A euphemism.”

“Yes, SAM, a euphemism.”

“You intend to be partners with both Jaal Ama Darav and Reyes Vidal. Polyamory.”

“Yep.” She sped up, drove the Nomad over a pile of boulders instead of around it. “Exactly that.”

“Intriguing. This is an area of human emotion and relationships I do not have any direct experience with already. I look forward to learning about it with you.”

She rolled her eyes. “Glad I could help.”

A short while later she tore up to where the Tempest was docked and came to an abrupt halt, sand floating up around the offroader. “Is Jaal here?” she asked SAM as she jumped out and jogged up the ramp.

Jaal, Liam, Peebee, Lexi, and Drack all met her at the top of the ramp. “Sara,” Jaal said, stepping towards her. “Are you all right? Kallo alerted us to your hurried return from your meeting with Vidal. Is it your mother?”

“It is, but no. She's fine. Reyes gave me this,” she handed the vial and the datapad to Lexi, watched the asari read it and her eyes go wide. “Do whatever you can with it.”

Lexi clutched the vial to her chest. “I can do much. I'll start work right away.”

“So what's the rush?” Liam said.

“Ah.” Sara felt her face go red. “It's a, um, personal matter.”

“Holy crap did you have sex with him?” Peebee asked, just as wide-eyed as Lexi had been.

“No! I didn't! Not- no. No.” She glanced at Jaal, who watched her thoughtfully. “Can I talk to you?” she asked, her voice going high with embarrassment.

Jaal held out his hand, and when she took it, it was warm and strong and sure. Her nervousness, the uneasy worry in her heart, disappeared.

“Ugh now _they're_ gonna go have sex,” Peebee said, leaving with Liam and Drack.

“Lucky,” Liam said.

“You know I don't need to know every last thing you people do onboard,” Drack grumbled, his voice fading with the distance.

“To your quarters?” Jaal asked, and on Sara's nod, he led her back in silence, sat down next to her on the bed and pulled the flower from her hair. “A sign of change, I suspect.”

“Yes. I want,” she chewed her bottom lip, “I want to be with you. And I want to be with Reyes, too. I told you I could never love him like I love you, and that's still true. But I do have feelings for him, maybe even love, still, and I want to explore it. It's different but...”

“There are many stars in the galaxy, beloved. They do not make each other less bright because there's more than one.”

“The things you said, about love making you stronger? I've been thinking about that for awhile now. I realized today, talking to Reyes, I couldn't be with him if you weren't here. You're my base.”

“Then I shall lift up your heart with strong hands,” he said, “and you do not have to fear the fall. Vidal understands the nature of our relationship?”

“Yes. I made it clear that what's between you and me is too important. Maybe more important. Are you sure you're okay with this? I will stop it now if you aren't, and not go back.”

Jaal smiled. “I would not have told you I was if I did not mean it. As you recall, I was the one who brought this possibility up. It would have been easier to just say nothing.” He brushed his knuckles across her cheek. “My heart is full, seeing this joy in your eyes.”

“I don't know how you're real,” she said, “but I'm so glad you are.” Sara threw herself into Jaal's arms, felt his smile against her neck. Her heart doubled, doubled again, until she ached with loving him. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” she said, kissing him over and over, until they fell backwards onto the bed.

Their laughter rang out in the room, echoing happily in every corner.

 

* * *

 

A couple of hours after she and Jaal had separated, loose and light with joy, Sara sat down at her terminal and considered. She'd cleaned up, had food, and was wondering now how much to say in a message to Reyes and how to say it. Now that both she and Reyes had had time to breathe, to fight through the elemental physical attraction to the emotions beneath, the uneasiness returned. She was still sure of this, but Reyes might not be. The soft center of her heart that had carried the bruise of feeling unloved by him still recoiled a little, suspecting it was all somehow an elaborate lie. She finally settled on something simple, and direct.

> To: Reyes Vidal
> 
> From: Sara Ryder
> 
> _Reyes,_
> 
> _I talked to Jaal. I'm ready to do this with you, if you meant what you said. If you didn't, tell me now._
> 
> _-Sara_

Sending it felt like closing her eyes and throwing her heart up into the air, hoping he'd catch it. She paced around her quarters, steadying her breathing.

“Are you all right, Pathfinder?” SAM asked.

“Nervous,” she said.

“What do you think Vidal's response will be?”

She paused, dug her toes into the thick angaran rug she'd gotten a few weeks ago. She examined her anxious heart, sighed. “I hope it's a yes.”

“And if it is not?”

“I'm choosing to trust him. If not now, then when?” But her heart still beat a worried tune.

“You will not have to wait long,” SAM said. “You have a new message.”

Sara stared at the screen, saw it was from Reyes. She held her breath and opened the message.

> To: Sara
> 
> From: Reyes
> 
> _Sara,_
> 
> _I meant every word._
> 
> _-Reyes_

She stared at the simple sentence with a laugh on her lips and blinked away unexpected tears. She could feel Reyes' own nerves shining through in the four simple words, and she pressed her fingers gently to the screen as though she could soothe him through the distance.

“Was it the answer you wished for?”

Sara brushed her hand across her eyes, let the laugh escape in a burst. “Yes. It's exactly what I wanted.”

She vibrated with surging excitement, like someone had shot her body with a biotic charge. They'd defeated the Kett, they were exploring and expanding their home here in Heleus, and now she had both the angaran who gave her strength and the human who helped her fly holding her hands as they navigated whatever Andromeda galaxy – and the newly seeded field of their relationships – held in store.

With a bright, cheek-stretching smile, Sara picked up the flower with its three carefully curling petals from where Jaal had gently laid it on the bedside table. She breathed out slow, watched the petals shiver and curl more tightly around each other. She wasn't sure how navigating the details of their new arrangement would go, how hard it would be for all three of them to keep their hearts open, but her body burned with eagerness to try. There would be small steps first: a date for her and Reyes, discussions, the tentative feeling out of what worked for them, and then so much more. The possibilities of it all, the potential, stretched out before her in a long, endless horizon. As with every unexplored land she couldn't jump fast enough into it. She wasn't scared anymore, she was thrilled.

Sara sat down at her terminal, took a breath, and flew.

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as wanting to write a Sara/Jaal/Reyes fic and then I realized I had to figure out how they got there and this happened. And now I've got at least one more fic left to write in this series. IDEK.


End file.
